He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
