Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we have officially lost it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This baby is an asshole
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
