I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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