i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
