She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize