I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
