just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Life is so much better after having sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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