Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize