ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
