New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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