You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize