i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
