i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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