Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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