Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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