you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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