Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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