The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
