I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
