I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
