I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
