She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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