I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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