Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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