so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize