I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
