I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
