I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
