Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
