i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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