white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
