i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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