And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize