she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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