I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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