I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
