I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
