no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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