Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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