I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
