you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize