Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
