You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
