Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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