Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
