Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
