I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
