True but thats because hes a fetus.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there's paper in my vomit.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
