i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
