he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
