Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
