I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
