His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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