In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
