I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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