I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
