I feel great
I just peed on a car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
