I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
