I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
