She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
