Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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