I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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