Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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