i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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