I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
