he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Found your dick twin last night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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