Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
