Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
