Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
