You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
