Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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