Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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