u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
