I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
